Monday, May 11, 2009

How about..

You get the heck out of my belly!
So much for 3rd babies tend to come early. Seriously! I love this baby! I really do. I've wanted him/her even though being pregnant again was a bit of a shock. I have actually mostly enjoyed being pregnant this time around. This is the 3rd time in 4 years that I have willingly given up all rights to *my* body and what *I* want, so that a new person could growing and thrive and be healthy.
You hear pregnant women often say they are "done" toward the end of their pregnancy. How done do you have to be to be truly done?
I tell you what...I am freakin DONE. The word can not even begin to explain how DONE I actually am. I have finished my job..I know this baby is healthy and I know he or she would be just fine coming out now. I can no longer take care of my other kids or do anything really. My life has stopped totally until I can move again. How incredibly frustrating!
The problem...the baby doesn't care in the least. Apparently, my womb is super comfy and the baby is prepared to live in there for forever. It doesn't matter that I can barely eat or move. I get NO! I either can't pee at all or I pee every 2 seconds. I have heartburn no matter what position I'm in. There is no longer room for any of my own organs..or bones for that matter. Doesn't matter that my other 2 kids are wondering why mommy won't play with them or can't pick them up when they need comfort. Doesn't matter that I am completely disconnected from my husband, because it is so painful to be touched anywhere but my toes.
Doesn't matter at all about me. Nope, the baby doesn't care at all. So, what do I do? Pray..a lot. Begging God to please have mercy on me and bring this baby into the world. Please today...please. So far the begging hasn't worked. It doesn't rock my faith, but it makes me angry, frustrated, and disappointed.
I am SO grateful for this baby, but I can't wait until he or she is outside my body and I can take care of the rest of my family again. Including *me*!


Everyone has at least one date that is important. The very first day of your life. Your birth date.

As you get older and go through life's struggles and joys, you forget most dates but a few become very important. Most of those few, you had no idea would become important until the important event happened.

I have lots of good ones. My birthday, my anniversary, my kids birthdays, my husbands birthday...I could go on. Infact most of my important dates are good ones and reasons to celebrate. I'm grateful for that.

It's amazing how sometimes good dates can suddenly become bad ones for the rest of your life by a sudden tragedy. Not always sudden, I guess but tragedy for sure.

The dates I think of are my Nanny's birthday, Nanny's death, Pop's birthday, Pop's death...and today. Their anniversary. Usually such a happy day. These were 2 people who loved each other deeply and knew each other down to every hidden corner of themselves. They had more than just love...respect and admiration for each other. The kind of couple who had that look in their eyes instantly just from talking about the other..even when irritated with them.

They lived with the kind of marriage that I hope to strive for in my marriage every day of my life. There was nothing fake about it. It was the most HONEST relationship I've ever seen to this day.

So today, I try to remember the love instead of the sadness of missing them. Mostly it doesn't work, but it does make me grateful for the chance to have that with my husband.

Maybe it's because it's only been a year that they have been gone and emotions are still incredibly raw. Maybe in a few..or 10 years, it all turns around again and I can heal enough to just be happy on this date and remember their happiness. Maybe..maybe not..

Perfect love is a lie...true love is very much real.